Hiker. PLUR. Swedexican. Just another Miley Cyrus Justin Bieber looking motherfucker. Pre-op trans male, started HRT on 09/28/2016. 21 years old and adulting the best I can. Fall 2015 UC Berkeley grad staying in the East Bay, for now. Pursuing education and finance on the side. Proud dad to Parker and Theodore the guinea pigs ❤️Hoping to write a better story one day at a time🌎
It takes 4 weeks for you to notice your body changing. 8 weeks for your friends to notice. And 12 weeks for the rest of the world to notice. KEEP GOING.
Many messages i get on this blog are things like “My family says homophobic things but i’m still in the closet, i don’t know what to do”,
“My best friend uses transphobic slurs but how do i tell her that it hurts me without telling her i am trans? I can’t come out yet”
or other variants of “How to react to lgbt+-phobia when still in the closet?”.
I’ve been planning to write a letter that answers this question for a while now - but to be honest, i postponed it because it’s a difficult situation to be in and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. There’s not the one golden perfect solution to it.
Instead, i’ll suggest several different possible solutions as you know your own situation and your family member/friend/the person better than i do.
Without further bla bla, here’s the list:
Possible ways to react to lgbt+-phobia when you’re in the closet:
Example: Person says “I would never date a bi girl, they’re cheaters”
Educate neutrally: “Bi means you’re attracted to two or more genders, it has nothing to do with faithfulness”, state a neutral fact that dismantles the lgbt+phobic statement without talking about yourself at all
May work best if: the person is indeed just uneducated about lgbt+ topics (rather than downright hateful), is okay with being proven wrong, is not overly suspicious of why you defend lgbt+ people (in case them finding out you are lgbt+ would put you in danger)
Play the “good straight ally” card: “That’s not true, one of my friends is bi and she would never cheat”, out yourself as a supporter rather than a member of the lgbt+ community
May work best if: the person doesn’t know all your friends/you can easily make up a friend, the person is one of those people who stop being hateful as soon as their victim has a face
Ignore and change the topic: “Talking about cheating, have you seen the movie You’ve got mail? It’s a romantic comedy, Sarah said it’s really cute but i didn’t watch it yet.”, say nothing in response to the lgbt+-phobia and try to steer the conversation to nicer topics
May work best if: they are too deep down in their hateful views for any of the above strategies to work, defending lgbt+ people would put you in danger
Avoid the person: This is less of a instant response but more a long-term solution that can only work in some cases. Break off the friendship (maybe gently and slowly by spending less and less time with the person).
Only works if: you don’t depend on them (sadly this doesn’t work with parents you still live with or co-workers in a job you can’t quit)
May be necessary if: their lgbt+ phobia negatively impacts your mental health
Agree and silently think “F*ck you”: “Yeah, i understand!”, just agree and keep your thoughts to yourself
This is a painful thing to do and can certainly negatively impact your mental health but it may be necessary if: them finding out or even getting suspicious puts you in danger
Do you have any other advice? Feel free to add your thoughts/experiences to this post!
Had an amazing time at Thingvellir National Park during my first day in Iceland! Renting my car an extra day and traveling 8 time zones to see this = priceless. First time in the tundra!
Sometimes I feel like I should be living in a nicer apartment, driving a brand new car, in a prestigious masters, a permanent full time job and a steady relationship by now. It’s hard not to feel behind when you have friends getting married and buying houses or on their second degree but those are the kinds of models you need to only work harder. In life I think there’s two kinds of growth: vertical, as in getting better and better at one thing, and horizontal, as in expanding your life a lot of ways (being in a relationship/your own family, working a whole new field, travel etc) This year was probably the first year I focused on my personal qualities over work and school and I don’t have everything I want materialistic yet. But I have so much more- living authentically, father to 2 guineas, many friends, TWO trips this month among other things. In all honesty it’s so hard for me to consider myself a “real” man yet but I’m being real at a lot of other things and for that these last few months of my life have been the best I’ve ever seen.
Getting a top surgery consultation done on January 30th with Dr Mosser in SF. The wait list is 4-5 months so if I’m approved I could have a mastectomy in June :o
